John Mayer sucks eggs, but maybe he had a point. Yeah this is gonna be cheesy as hell, but sometimes I think cheesy has a lot to say. Let’s lean into the cringe.

It’s hard to beat the system

What is there left to do? I’m constantly wracking my brain over what the future looks like and desperately trying to search for answers. This helplessness is shared with millions, but somehow it feels so isolating. How can I cope with the roads ahead when I can barely figure out my own life?

So really – what can be done?

The fight ain’t fair

When you’re so removed from the highest authorities and the systems they uphold, yet these systems dictate your daily life, it’s hard not to feel powerless. Whether it’s your family’s life, your life, or even your neighbor’s life, the impact feels suffocating.

Fun fact: When I watched Bo Burnham’s Inside, the song “That Funny Feeling” made me cry for an hour. I couldn’t listen to it again for at least a year. That one line – “The quiet comprehending of the ending of it all” – hit too close to home.

They can bend it all they want

I’m deleting my social media after tonight (minus this blog). It feels like a good way to protect my mental wellness and focus on other (joyful) activities I’ve been neglecting. I once heard someone say that social media will be the end of democracy. It sounds extreme, but honestly, there’s something to it.

The next two days I’ll be avoiding most kinds of media in general. I’m coping ahead, and it’s not selfish to take a moment to look away. All it will do is break my heart and/or give me a full blown anxiety attack.

I’m tired of propaganda. I’m tired of watching things get better, bigger, faster, and more expensive – but never actually good. I feel like I’m drowning in an endless state of disappointment.

“One day our generation is gonna rule the population”

(Lyrics from “Waiting on the World to Change” by John Mayer)

I don’t know when things will look up again. I’ve been dealing with the new normal – the lack of real truth – since I was eighteen, and it feels endless. In four years, when I’m thirty, will it still feel this way? I want so badly to live in a world where I don’t feel like every headline is satire. In fact, satire feels dead – and has been for years.

It’s tempting to disengage, and give into apathy. I know that we shouldn’t lose our drive – our desire to see change and justice. Corruption grows when we give up, when hate points fingers at one another. I know this. But the fight is exhausting, and truthfully, I’m not sure what to do. Right now, I have to take reality one day at a time, one minute, one second if necessary.

I hope my words resonate with someone out there. I hope integrity wins out. I hope for a day when I feel less existential and more like I’m making forward progress – when it feels like everyone is making progress.

We keep on waiting

If you’ve felt this way too – like you’re stuck or overwhelmed – I want you to know you’re not alone. I see you. It’s okay to take a step back when the fight feels too heavy. You’re allowed to rest, to regroup, and to just exist for a moment without needing to have all the answers.

If any of this resonates, I’d love to hear your thoughts. What helps you stay grounded? What keeps you hopeful when everything feels impossible?

I wish for peace and wellbeing as we head into this chapter together.

♡