The Trap of Comparison

They say “comparison is the thief of joy,” but I’ve never known another way. For as long as I can remember, I’ve measured myself against others -whether it’s how they look, their achievements, or their sense of purpose. Sometimes, the only way I’ve felt good about myself was by believing I had more than someone else. It’s a shameful truth to admit, but it’s part of the process: learning to see myself without comparison as the lens.

Growing Up Without Direction

As a kid, I didn’t really know who I was or what I wanted to be. Sure, I had the default answers – veterinarian, architect, or whatever else sounded impressive. But when I got older and realized how much work those paths required, I didn’t feel motivated to pursue any of them. I envied the kids who had it all figured out, who were already on their way to scholarships and big dreams, while I felt like I was just floating with no desire to even live.

Part of that came from being isolated – emotionally and physically. I didn’t interact with many kids my age, and I leaned heavily on media to learn about the world. I never quite felt on the same timeline as everyone else, and that sense of being behind followed me well into adulthood.

The Pressure to Be “Good”

When I didn’t know what I wanted, I defaulted to what society told me was “good.” Doctors, lawyers, and high-achieving professionals became the picture of success in my mind. Even though I don’t actually want those careers, I thought I should want them. Why didn’t I? Did that mean I was lazy? Immoral? Less-than?

I’m not sure where this pressure originated. Embarrassingly, I have carried it with me even to this day. I tie my worth to the idea of having a “respectable” career, even if it doesn’t reflect my passions. My therapist is trying to help me realize this thinking is unhelpful. Why do I value others’ jobs without judging them, but hold myself to a completely different standard? Why do I think someone else’s pride in their work is warranted – but my own efforts will never be enough?

Redefining What It Means to Be Enough

This is one of the things I’m struggling with most. I carry so much shame and self loathing for feeling like I’ve wasted my life away. But here’s what I’m trying to accept: being “enough” isn’t someone else’s version of success. It isn’t aiming for the biggest, the best, or the most impressive life path. Being enough is about showing up for yourself, one step at a time.

It’s recognizing that you don’t have to prove your worth through a title, a degree, or a paycheck. It means honoring where you are, not where you think you “should” be. And most importantly, it means extending the same kindness to yourself that you give to others.

The hard part is actually believing it. When I try to apply these ideas to my own life, it doesn’t feel real. It feels like advice meant for someone else – like there’s a wall between what I know logically and what I feel emotionally. And I need to figure out where the two separate.

Finding My Own Purpose

Some days the idea of feeling “enough” feels so distant I don’t know where to start. Thinking about the time and effort it will take feels foreign and frankly, terrifying. But that’s where growth happens, right? I’m still far from having it figured out – and maybe I never will. But I know that I’m starting to inch closer, little by little. I’m working on embracing the simple things that bring me joy, even if they don’t fit into the box I’ve labeled “success.” And I’ll keep inching forward, one small, stiff step at a time.

And if you’ve gotten this far, I thank you for reading ♡